Choosing to be “all in”

Anyone who has ever been in love before knows well how euphoric those early “honeymoon” stages of a new relationship are.  Colors are more vibrant.  Food tastes better.  All of life seems to burst and come alive as love fills up every pore of your being.  Loving this amazing person in your life feels effortless as breathing and everything in you wants to please them, cherish them and spend every bit of time together that you can.

This is before the first argument, before there have been any disappointments and before the real tests and trials of the relationship come.  It’s before the decision to marry, before the choice of which set of parents get “dibs” on having you for Thanksgiving dinner, whether you’re using cloth or disposable diapers or whether you want a house in the city or in the suburbs near the grandparents.  This is the stage when loving is simple.  It’s the stage before you have committed to it.  The risk is low and the investment is minimal so the “weight” of the relationship is very light and fun.

It’s so easy to see this stage in human relationships.  Its presence is easy to identify.  It’s also apparent when that relationship shifts, when it hits challenges, when it has been well nurtured and when it has not.  Eventually, in every relationship…whether destined for marriage or not, the love will change.  Hard days will come.  Love will be tested and there will be that “fight or flight” moment where you decide how invested you are in its success or whether you’re going to count your losses and walk.

I had an “aha” moment recently where I came to an understanding of what commitment is unlike any I had ever known or heard before which I’m going to take a moment to share with you.

Every relationship (whether in our human relationships or in our relationship with the Father) there will be moments when our love ebbs and moments when it flows.  There will be times when we don’t “feel” like being loving…in fact, we just might want to close up shop and shut our hearts down to love altogether.  But that isn’t committing to love…it’s merely a commitment to comfort.

True commitment means “I will never let my heart change its mind about you.”

It means that when I don’t “feel” like loving, I will love anyway.  It means that when the storms and shifting seasons of life distract me, consume my time or numb my emotions, I will still guard my heart to ensure that my affection and commitment to you remain intact through every life season so that we can continue to grow in relationship together.

It doesn’t mean we don’t all have our days.  It means that at the end of them, we choose to ground ourselves in the truth of what we’ve committed to and pledge our hearts to it…even at moments when our emotions are slow to catch up and follow our decision to love.

Imagine what would happen if we truly lived our relationships out that way.  How would that change the divorce statistics in our country?  How many fair weather friends would become deep, sincere, lifelong ones?

Our society has next to zero comprehension of what commitment is.  Everything in our world is constructed to appeal to our “want of the moment” and feed our “now”…with no thought of the future.  Everything is dispensable, replaceable and easily tossed into “last season”‘s outdated pile once we’ve grown tired of it and no longer have our childish attention spans fed by its entertainment.

Commitment isn’t easy.  It can feel very scary because it is a heart decision to be “all in”.
It isn’t emotionally driven and it doesn’t produce instant gratification.

It’s the marathon of true relationships…not the 50 yard dash.

It is not for the faint of  heart.  It takes a strong man or woman to truly activate their commitment to something.

Being committed should not evoke the image of being carried off to an insane asylum.  It should be a reflection of your character and a byproduct of your trust-based love.

The majority of this post has addressed commitment more from a human relationship perspective but how does that apply to our spiritual relationship to the Father?  Does it work the same way?

I believe it does…only better.

Why better you ask?  I’ll explain.

In our relationship with the Father, we have a lot of things to support us and help us commit to that relationship.  We are surrounded (hopefully) by people who encourage us in that relationship and help us work through the things that make us distance ourselves from it.  Even better though is the fact that the Lord is already well acquainted with our humanness.  Our high probability of royally screwing things up sometimes is not a shocker.  He never jaw drops at us in disbelief like he didn’t see it coming.  He is sympathetic toward the areas where we are weak and He puts in us the very love with which we love Him so we can’t commit to love Him without His help anyway.  The beautiful thing is that He can actually help you to love him better.  It’s like a lender who gives you money to help you pay off the loan they gave you.  Huh?  Who does that?  It’s crazy and cool all at the same time.

G-d dispenses love in much the same way.  He puts the love there.  Our part is simply to commit our hearts to loving Him–to directing the focus of our love toward Him and not squandering our love on things unworthy of the investment.  We are stewards of love.  We are both recipients and dispensers.  He makes love happen.  We simply commit to loving Him with the love He puts in us.  It’s a simple “yes” in our hearts and a lean toward Him.  It’s a pursuit to know him and keep His Word and follow His will.  Our commitment is measured by our pursuit more than our conquering.  It is tested in the journey…not by a final destination.

Sometimes loving G-d is easy.  It flows naturally and we feel emotionally connected.  At other times, we hear nothing but the chirping of crickets.  These ebb and flow seasons of closeness and separateness in relationship to G-d are mirrored in earthly relationships.  But the connection that keeps the heart coming back after every ebb and the rubber-band that draws us close after a time of distance is that commitment to not let your heart change its mind about the one you love.

Commitment is rooted in trust.  You cannot commit to someone you do not wholeheartedly trust.  But where there is trust, there is safety and commitment follows naturally.  We cannot commit our hearts to loving and serving a G-d we do not fully trust.  So whenever we allow ourselves to believe a lie about His character or question His goodness, His promises or His ability to do what He said he would do, little seeds of doubt sprout in the soil of our hearts.  These weeds of doubt  slowly choke out our trust and with it, our ability to remain committed to love Him with our whole heart, mind, soul and strength.  See the connection?

May our heart’s declaration be: “Lord, I’m all in.  My heart is committed and I won’t let it change it’s mind about you.”

I challenge you to take some time to reflect on your relationships…both with the people in your life and your relationship with the Father and ask yourself whether you have become casual instead of committed in your relationships?  How can you build trust and strengthen your commitments?

Feel free to share your thoughts, insights and “aha” moments on this as well.  I welcome your comments.